Afraid of the Washing Machine

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been charged with packing my four kids for our trip to Roanoke. I failed to mentioned that that also entails having to do laundry. After much deliberation and text messages to Janese, I now have three or four potential loads of laundry piled in the laundry room floor. My problem is that I am afraid to put them in the washing machine. Don't even mention dryer!!

From my pre-trip instructions from my lovely wife I was told to keep the darks separate from the lights/whites and anything red should be washed in a red load. When I walked into the laundry room to start the process I noticed there was a purple pile already started. What in the world am I supposed to do with purple!?! Luckily Janese had just landed back in Salt Lake City after a quick trip to California when I texted her again for help. She told me I can decide on my own whether to put the purples with the reds or the darks with the purples. Is one better than another? Does purple bleed? What benefit could I potentially get by putting purple with red? Does it ultimately come down to the number of purple items I end up with after the final sorting? Is purple a red load filler? If I put them with blue jeans is there the potential of ending up with purple jeans? The pluses and minuses of my purple pile of laundry are coursing through my head.

Damn you purple!!!

I am also completely confused over what is considered a white/light. I of course know what white is, but what do you do with those mixed articles of clothing? While going through the sorting process I discovered a white shirt with dark blue stripes or maybe it was a dark blue shirt with white stripes. In what pile does that belong? Is it a dark or a white? Even more confusing are the oranges, pinks, and yellows that are now scattered throughout my potential white pile. Should I create a pastel pile? I am almost to the point of washing each individual article of clothing, currently lying in haphazard piles on the laundry room floor, one piece at a time. I think that way I would avoid causing anything to bleed over (ask me about my pink underwear on my mission) and being yelled at from every kid in the house for ruining a favorite shirt or pair of pants. I think at this point I will skip the dryer all together. Who in the world created those hieroglyphics on the tags of clothes these days anyway? How am I supposed to tell by some squiggly line whether I can throw it in the dryer or not?

Wish me luck. I am heading for the laundry room and need all the prayers I can get.

Damn you purple!!!